Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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