Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
