i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
