you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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