YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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