Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize