i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
