a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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