I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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