Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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