I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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