strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize