there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
