Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize