But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk is not a location!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
