D3 body, D1 cock
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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