I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
