He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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