we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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