You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
