I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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