good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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