white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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