You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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