Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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