i would punch a child for taco bell
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
