I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
