why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
