im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
