I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
