Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize