you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
