That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
