I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
