guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
