i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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