i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
