No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
