I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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