It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
