I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
