i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
