youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
