my sisters under your porch take her home
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
