Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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