did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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