If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize