You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do herpes really smell.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
