new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
