I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize