The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
