A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
