Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
