All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
