My liver just broke up with me...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
