I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
