Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
