i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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