i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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