there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nicole vs. Life
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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