How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
