And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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