I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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