My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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