your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is Oprah even human
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
