Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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