There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
