did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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