i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
